Pairing : Matt Cohen/Gabriel Tigerman
Fandom Spn Rpf
This is for onspook_me based on a ghost prompt
inspired by gabe and matt tweets
also inspired by the supernatural ep Roadkill
Dr. Matt Cohen and nurse Gabe Tigerman had just always been togeteher. Since the day they laid eyes upon each other they knew, they knew that this was it. This was the person that they were meant to be with forever and always. And any memories of anyone else before their new found love disappeared like the tides in the ocean, flowing away until nothing can be seen or felt.
They were inseperatable lovers and the very best of friends. They became a package deal, rarely to be seen without the other. Same univeristy, same part time job while in school even. It seemed as though they were always together. So when they started working at the same hospital it was perfect. Unfortunately they had to be on diffrent wings due to them being married. It was a confict of interest for them to work together. It was so hard for them to work together and only see each other before and after work. It was nearly impossible for them to have a meal together in the cafeteria.
It was taxing on them spending so much time apart. Having different shifts and different days as their work schedule was impacting their relationship, and not in a good way. It was a struggle to find couple time. And soon the animosity began to set in. While one of them was home, the other would be working. It was feeling as though all they saw of each other was a hello and a goodbye. Writing notes and taping them on the door was begining to be their only communication. How could this be happening to them? Their love was so real, so profound, so deep, how could the light be flickering?
Before long their precious days off together, albeit far and few between, became silent. Silent! How impossible to believe. Grumbling, resentment, and curt words became the norm. Not to mention their sex drive became nonexistant between them. The pressures of their work started breaking down their relationship. Gabe had never thought that the difference of their careers would cause a wedge between them. Afterall they were both in the same medical field. How different could it be?
One day when Matt was working a late shift he called Gabe on his break and got no answer. That was odd, but with the fight that they had had before Matt went ino work it was expected. Gabe had a way of being childish and unable to communicate when things starting getting complicated, it was his way of coping. So Matt just shrugged it off and went back to work.
When Matt got home he really wanted to make up with Gabe. He was desperate to tell him that he was sorry. Matt quietly walked into their bedroom. He saw Gabe sleeping, curled up on their downfilled comforters with a light cotton blanket covering his feet and legs. Matt stopped in the doorway and looked at Gabe. Thinking about how much love he had for him. He pondered about how their once beautiful loving relationship had deteriorated due to the long hours that each of them were required to work. How they had to put their relationship on the back burner and just wait for the better days that were going to come. Matt was so caught up in his thoughts, about how he could make it up to Gabe for having to work 24 hour shifts, that it took him a lengthy amount of time to realize that something was off.
Gabe looked pale, not his usual self. The beautiful tanned body with the soft rosey cheeks was replaced with pale skin and a lifeless looking body? He must be just exhausted Matt thought. He's been so uptight, so upset, and feeling unloved. Matt knew it was his fault, he had been neglecting him and focusing too much time on his career. And his head filled with solutions on how he could start making it up to Gabe as soon as he woke from his nap.
Matt walked over to where Gabe laid, he gently sat down on the edge of the bed as to not disturb his Gabe, his sweet, beautiful Gabe. He gingerly started to run the back of his hand down Gabe's handsome face, he realized something was wrong. Gabe's face was cold. Cold. Matt put his hand under the covers to feel Gabe's chest. He could feel his his heart beating and the warmth of his chest assured him he was okay. With much relief Matt continued to explore Gabe's chest with his long fingers, curling the hair of Gabe's chest around his fingers into small curls. He started remembering sweet times of them just cuddling together, sweet embraces, and gazing into each other eyes.
Gabe slowly opened his eyes and looked up into Matt's chisled faced, his eyelashes batting at him he softly spoke. " Hey doc." Gabe's dimples appeared as he smiled up at his husband, still in a dreamy hazey state he couldn't help but wonder if he was really still asleep. He had to be. It had been so long since the love of his life had taken the time to notice him, to touch him, to be near him. Matt lifted his head and looked into Gabe's eyes. Staring as if he could see his soul. Matt blushed, the sides of his mouth perked up into a wide grin, nearly pushing his hot red cheeks into his eyes. How he loved it when his husband called him doc.
Matt whispered " I want you to know that I am sorry for the argument we had this morning. I didn't mean to get so upset. It was so trivial. I've been under so much stress. I should have never taken it out on you. I am so sorry. So very sorry. Could you, would you, please forgive me?" Gabe nodded his head and raised his pointer finger up to Matt's soft lips. He spoke " It's okay. It's alright. I just miss you. I need you." Gabe lifted himself up onto his elbow, putting himself eye to eye with Matt. "It's so hard for me to watch you. You have long 24 hour shifts somgetimes. You are always gone. I never expected that we wouldn't see each other so much. It's like you don't have time for me anymore."
Matt reached over and put his arm under Gabe's neck and snuggled down into the bed. Gabe slid down a bed and laid his head on Matt's arm, feeling the warmth, and smelling the muskyness of his husband from working so long and hard. Gabe turned his body on his side, curling up next to him, wrapping his arm around Matt's waist. Matt held him tight, then tighter, and kissed him on his forehead. Soft sweet kisses on the wrinkles of his brow. His forehead was so cold. The doctor in him was showing again. "Why are you so cold love?" he whispered. "You have me worried." Matt moved a bit to get a good look into Gabe's eyes again, this time looking to see if everything was okay. "Are you getting sick? The chills? What's going on?"
"Always the doc!" Chuckled Gabe. "I'm okay. I feel just fine. I was a bit tired from cleaning that's all." He sighed then looked up at the ceiling. "I probably shouldn't have had the fan on." Trying to reassure Matt he continued. "I was so hot when I laid down. The fan must have cooled off my sweat and made me feel chilly. Honestly, I am okay." Changing the subject finally, Gabe said, "Matt, I have to go into work in a few hours, we're okay right?" Matt just looked at him. Not sure if what he had said was true or was it another one of Gabe's convincing lies. Gabe was good at hiding the truth. He wasn't one to complain about anything. He had a way of twisting things around so he could hide what was right in front of Matt and Matt couldn't figure it out til hours or even days later. "Yeah we're good." Mumbled Matt. But Matt wasn't good. Gabe was never cold. He was always warm, snuggly warm like a blanket cominng out of the dryer. Something was wrong and the Doc didn't know what it was. Matt finally closed his eyes. Holding his husband and drifting off to sleep.
When Matt woke up the room was dark and silent. It was night already. He stumbled getting out of bed. It was so dark, not a lamp on or even a night light. He felt the walls as he walked into the hall and finally down to the kitchen where he turned a light on. Matt walked to the front door to see if Gabe had left him a note. Nothing was there. He turned around to head back to the kitchen to get a glass of milk, as he started his way through the room he noticed how everything was so neat. Not a magazine out. The pillows were all fluffed and propped up perfectly on the sofa. "Too clean" Matt said out loud. He made his way to the kitchen. Fresh daisys and baby's breath in a blue vase were on the table. A little blue envelope with white doves on it was sticking up. He opened the small envelope and began reading. "To the only person I have ever loved, Gabe." Matt's eyes felt damp, his cheeks were flushed and a small tear formed in his left eye and slowly fell upon his cheek.
Matt's glass was full with his favorite almond vanilla milk. He started his way back to the bedroom to get fresh clothes he was going to take a shower and finally clean up after working a 48 hour shift. He opened the closet to get out his green silk robe that Gabe had given him on their first Christmas together. The closet was in a disarray. Gabe's clothes were gone. His hipster beach bum shirts that he had collected from all their beach vacations, the flannel shirts for when the nights got chilly, even his jeans, all gone. Puzzled and confused Matt ripped through the closet. None of Gabe's clothes were there. He tore through the dresser drawers. No quirky colored and patterned socks, nothing. Everything and anything that Gabe wore were gone! Nothing! Matt's heart was being rapidly, he was losing his breath, all he could feel was his heart beat. His head felt like it was going to explode. "What? Why?" Matt spoke aloud. He went to the bathroom and searched the cabinents. All of Gabe's things were missing. How could this happen? I thought things were okay. Oh my God. No. Matt started to yell aloud "No! No!!" He gasped "Gabe left me. He left me?" Matt's head was spinning he couldn't understand, he didnt know how or why.
Matt retrieved his phone from the night stand and tried calling Gabe. A voice came on. "Out of service" It said. It must be a glitch Matt thought. His hands were shaking. He fumbled with the phone trying to send out a text to Gabe. "Where are you?" "What happened?" "I love you." "Come back" "I'm sorry!!" "Please Gabe, forgive me, please! I need you." No reply back. Nothing. Not one word.
Matt dropped on the bed. All of his weight, down. His body was limp. Then he tightened all up. His ribs hurt. He began to cry, weeping hard like a lost lamb crying for it's mother. He was lost. All alone. What was happening? Why was this happening? Could Gabe have really left him? He clutched Gabe's pillowing. Burying his face into it with his steamy tears. He breathed in hard and deep. He couldn't smell a trace of Gabe's cologne. All he could smell was the rose scent of the fabric softener. He tried again, then again. Still nothing but roses. He threw the pillow onto the floor.
Wasn't everything alright now between them? Hadn't they worked things out? Panic set in again. His wonderful husband was gone. All of his things were gone. His smell was gone. His phone wasn't working. Nothing made sense. But the flowers... Why would there be flowers from Gabe? Why would he write what he wrote and then leave? Matt was more confused than ever. Matt turned himself face down on the bed, trying to bury himself, bury his sorrows. He just didnt get it. Matt drifted off to sleep, thinking about Gabe and better times.
Matt jerked awake and sat straight up. He exclaimed out loud "Gabe! Come back to me!!" "Here I am!" In a perky voice Gabe replied. Matt's face turned flush. Had this been a terrible dream? "Huh? What?" Mumbled Matt. Gabe walked into the bedroom where Matt was sitting up and holding onto the blanket as tight as can be. Matt's eyes swelled up with tears. There his husband stood. Right before him. What a terrible nightmare he thought. No more 48 hour shifts for me.
Gabe walked over to Matt and extended his hand, touching Matt's damp face and wiping back his tears. "Did you miss me my love?" Gabe said in sweet soft voice as he bent over and kissed his husband on his cheek. Matt nodded. Trembling Matt asked "Where did you go? I called your phone, it said it wasn't in service and I couldn't find any of your things in our home." He panted, "It was like you disappeared, like a dream... yes a dream. Was it all just a dream?"
"Matt, I will never leave you. I promise." Gabe hesitated and said softly, "I will never leave you completely." He paused for a moment and looked at Matt. His face was blank, no true expression, he looked exhausted. "Matt?" Gabe spoke a bit louder, trying to get Matt's attention. Startled and stirred Matt looked at Gabe. "Matt, do you remember when we were headed to work? I was driving. It was on a Tuesday early in the morning. There was a mist in the air, nearly a fog. You were kissing me. Up and down my arm. Then you scooted over and started kissing me on my neck. You gave me little twirls with your tounge on the nape of my neck. It was wonderul." Matt nodded. Recalling how romantic it was. Then he really remembered. His heart started pounding again. Beating so hard in his chest he thought he would explode.
"NO!!!!!!" Yelled Matt at the top of his lungs. "NO!!!!!"
Matt did remember. Oh yes he did remember. Gabe continued. "I got excited. I don't know what happened. I guess I must have pressed on the gas pedal or something. We were going so fast. And I was lost in the feelings that I was having with you making me feel so good. I saw something in the road. I thought it was a deer. I tried not to hit it." Gabe was clammering for words. "I swerved, just a little bit. I thought it was a little bit. But we went off the road. You know the big oak tree by Kettleman's farm? We hit it." Gabe let out a deep breath.
Matt nodded. He remembered. He didnt want to remember but he did. It was the worst day of his life. Nothing so traumatic had ever happened to him. Sure he saw lots of scary things in the emergency room. He witnessed life and death on a daily basis. But none of them hit home. None of those things had ever happened to him or his family. Matt finally spoke. "I remember. I called 911. I remember all the paramedics, the lights flashing, the ambulance and the fire department. I remember." With weighted breath he continued. " I rode with you in the ambulance. I was barely hurt. The air bags braced me from getting seriously hurt. But yours didnt inflate all the way. You were in bad shape." Matt began to cry. "Your head was bleeding. There was blood everywhere. Your body was twisted and covered in bright red blood." Matt started to moan in agony. Recalling what happened next. He had taken care of Gabe. With all he knew from being a doctor nothing could help his husband. What use were all those years of school if he couldn't help the one person that loved and accepted him for everything he was and was not?
Matt continued. "I held you once we got to the hospital. I didn't leave your side. I was there through it all. I held your hand, I wiped your brow, I told you how much I love you and that you were going to be alright." Gabe interupted. "I know Doc. You did everything you could for me. You did everything you knew, they all did. They all tried. But they couldn't save me. You couldn't save me. There was nothing anyone could do."
"No, that's not true!" Shouted Matt. We did save you. We did. Everything is alright. See? You are here right now. In my arms like always and forever." Gabe replied. "I am here Doc. I am in your heart. I am in your arms like I was that day that I died. I died in your arms. Remember? You were holding me so tight but there was nothing left of me to give. My body gave up. But I didn't." Puzzled and more confused than ever Matt jumped in. "This isn't funny Gabe. Quit it! Why would you put me through this? Quit joking around, this isn't funny."
"I'm not joking Matt. I'm being serious. I died in your arms that morning. You tried all you could, but, I couldn't make it." he said very seriously. "Listen very carefully to me, please." Matt tried so hard to understand but it just wasn't sinking in. "I am dead. I'm nothing more than a ghost. And I am trapped here, in our home. You won't let me go. You have built a fantasy about us. You've built a life for the two of us in our home and I cannot move on." Matt shook his head in disbelief. "Matt, you have to let me go. You are living a lie. I'm only here in your thoughts and memories. You deserve more than this and I need to go on....and you need to go on.
Matt couldnt believe what he was hearing. He was frozen. What a dream, what a nightmare. But it was all true. It did happen. The accident did happen. Gabe really did die that morning. It was true. It really was true. Matt looked into Gabe's eyes. How could he let him go? How could he go on? Without his true love in his life, his life would be miserable. His life was going to be empty with no meaning or purpose. And he knew he had to let go and go on. With heavy breath Matt lingered the words, "I understand."
"I love you Doc." Whispered Gabe. "I love you too Gabe." said Matt.
Matt go up and headed back towards the kitchen to smell the daisies. He turned around half way down the hallway and saw Gabe's pale translucent body following him. He stopped and turned around, staring at what was now his husband. He opened his arms one last time to hug him. He held Gabe tight and whispered in his ear how much in love he still was and would ever be with him. "I love you always and forever Doc." Said Gabe. And then kissed him on his dewy lips. Matt closed his eyes and pressed his lips into Gabes. Gabe's lips seemed to get softer and softer. Matt opened his eyes and saw that Gabes body was fading.
"I'll always be in your heart Doc" the words swept away drifting down the hall. That was it. He was gone. Matt began to weep again. He had a long journey ahead of him. Starting over was going to be difficult. He had to mend himself from within. Like only a doctor could do.